The light from the flashing hotel sign made the room glow from red to green to darkness and back again. Scott sat at the imitation desk with a revolver in one hand and a bottle of Jack in the other. He decides to put the gun away but keep the liquor at hand. Fact is he couldn’t off himself if he tried. He felt like an utter failure but mostly he was scared. Scared to be alone for the first time in 18 years and scared to move forward. He could never change, she said.

Part of him believed her. This part formerly held the gun. The other part held the Jack. He was sick and tired of being such a loser. Maggy and the kids had gone to her mother’s in Vermont and here he was in a hotel room contemplating his life. Lately he had been in meetings and his mind flashed to what would happen if he shot himself right there and then his mind flashed back. He tried to put the images out of his mind but he couldn’t. He hadn’t lost his job…yet, but his wife still called him a loser. Sometimes low self-esteem is common sense, he thought.

There were five things keeping Scott from offing himself. First was a healthy fear of pain, and the other’s had names like Joey, Scotty, Felicia and Celia. Yeah it was his kids that kept him alive. Everytime he felt like ending it he looked at them. He wasn’t a bad father at all was he? All in all, the cheating he had done only hurt Maggy right? In reality the cheating only hurt Scott in the long run. Maggy didn’t think she could trust him any more. And why should she?

“Hello, Maggy, I’m sorry…beeeeeep…”

He almost had given up the last time he called but he kept on calling her cell phone hoping she’d pick up. Then he got down on his knees and called out to whomever was answering at the time. He knew there was a God but he was also sure that God had forgotten all about him.

“Hello…If this is really you, you have to help me out here. I’m done trying to solve it all. I’m not sure if you like me or love me but if you do show me a sign that I can be redeemed!”

Not hearing an answer, he crawled into bed. Tired, alone, and completely spent mentally he couldn’t even bring himself to cry himself to sleep like he had done so many nights prior. The cars on the interstate had become his lullaby.

Suddenly a knock came at the door. Scott slowly walked to the door and the knocks became louder. He opened the door and there she stood. Maggy was there. The red lights of the hotel sign gave her raven hair a special glow that almost made it seem like she was one of those angels on TV.

“Listen, Scott. I don’t want to give up but I’m done trying. Now it’s your turn if you want it.”
The tears came flowing down her cheeks and Scott raised his hand to wipe her cheek. She flinched a little but he gave her a small shush and brushed her face dry. Maggy fell into his arms and the two began again.